I think I’ve cracked it. The ultimate guide to success, happiness, and wealth. Numerous studies, reports, and features have been written about what successful people have in common, what they say and don’t say, and the minutia of what they do throughout the day.

By ignoring the vast majority of all of these and instead focusing my attention on a small number of rather obscure studies, I have narrowed the secret to success down to three simple rules: Tuck in your shirt. Eat grilled cheese. Have sex more often.

Here’s why.

Tuck in your shirt. A new study released just last week surveyed 1,000 men from ages 25 to 60 about the quality of their lives. The survey questions has a particularly their happiness, optimism, social status, income, and relationships.

They also asked participants whether or not they tucked in their shirts. The researchers found that more than 60% of men who report regularly tucking in their shirts say that they are happier on the job, are 10% more sociable, 22% more optimistic, have a 19% higher income than non-tuckers, and are 8% more likely to have frequent dates.

Hey! Given these results, we should all tuck in our shirts right now. However, I feel compelled to point out that this study was conducted by ad agency CP+B on behalf of the good folks at Fruit of the Loom, (who have just released a new ‘Stay-Tucked’ undershirt). So there’s that.

    An earlier study by our friends at CareerBuilder also suggested that you could greatly increase your chances of success if you ironed your shirt. Tucked in and ironed. Take that Casual Friday.

Eat grilled cheese. A study out earlier this year revealed that people who love grilled cheese sandwiches make more money than the rest of us. Here’s why. A survey of 4,600 people by the dating website Skout found that those people who particularly enjoy cheese sandwiches tend to have sex more frequently than those who don’t.

Survey results showed that 73% of people who love grilled cheese sandwiches have sex at least once a month, and 32% of grilled cheese sandwich lovers have sex at least six times a month. Only 27% of non-grilled-cheese-fans approach this frequency.

So people who eat grilled cheese sandwiches have more sex. Interestingly, we already know that people who have sex more often also tend to make more money.

Have more sex. We’ve reported before on a European study that showed how people who have sex at least four times a week tend to earn at least 5% higher wages than their less lucky colleagues.

The theory being that those who are having more frequent sex are likely happier and healthier than those who aren’t. That state of well-being can lead to a more positive attitude and more confidence at work.

Of course, there’s a bit of a chicken and egg thing going on with this. For example, people who earn more money may be more appealing on the dating market and therefore have more frequent access to sexual partners. (It’s hard to date when you’re broke.)

Then again, grilled cheese is cheap. Find a partner who loves grilled cheese. That way dating can be inexpensive, you’ll get more action in the bedroom, and be on the fast track to a fatter paycheque. (As long as you remember to tuck in your shirt.)

Peter Harris
– Peter Harris on Twitter